Denial
by Bitterness11
Summary: Akaya is trying hard to figure his complicated feelings. If there's something the devil wasn't aware of, it's what you call... Affection.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; I'm just a random fangirl who fell in love with those two. Who wouldn't?

**Warnings:** Spelling and grammar mistakes. English isn't my native language, and I'm not really good at it.

**Summary:** Akaya is trying hard to figure his complicated feelings. If there's something the devil wasn't aware of, it's what you call... Affection.

* * *

A low sigh escaped Akaya's lips, before he turned his gaze away from the two figures standing not far away from him. Ever since his double match with Shiraishi he couldn't get the older boy out of his mind, nor could he keep his eyes away from him.

He grunted silently, really, it was frustrating! What is so special about him to occupy his mind all the time?

He knows for sure, everything about Shiraishi is so special.

He was glad he could still act normally around the others like he was always doing, but he knows his mind wasn't the same, and his feelings weren't the same. Something had changed for sure, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

It wasn't because Shiraishi had complimented his hairstyle, no, but the fact that he was able to drag him out of his devil mood before he could cause any damage, aside from what he did to Shiraishi's arm.

He felt guilty about what he did, he had apologized again later that day, and Shiraishi just laughed it off saying he was glad he could feel his arm so light again. Aside from what he said, Akaya knew he was still regretting not being able to keep the promise he made to his Coach.

Everything about that match looked like a dream, he couldn't believe he was actually smiling and his play was perfect without him going into that devil mood. Angel mood they called it? He couldn't believe that.

It's true he was shucked the first time Shiraishi complimented his hair, and the second time he felt fluttered. It was merely stupid, but it's the first time someone had actually complimented him on something.

He doubted that he would be able to use the new mood with another person, no, he was certain he won't be able to use it.

After all the thinking he had done, he knew he hated it. He hated the changes Shiraishi caused in him with just simple words, because he was scared, he was scared of his unintentional reaction.

He also hated the feeling, when someone knows something about yourself you have no idea about. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but Shiraishi knew where his wound is, and pressed on it. He knew he was being paranoid, Shiraishi wasn't anything like that, all he wanted was to drag him out of that mood, and he was lucky, that's all.

He was just... Good in dealing with people. Yeah, that what it was, nothing special.

He glanced at the tow figures again from the corner of his eye; Shiraishi was chuckling on something Kikumaru had said. What would be so funny that makes Shiraishi chuckles like that? He rarely chuckles; he usually just smiles, or rather smirks.

He sighed heavily when he noticed that he started to get annoyed, no it wasn't because Shiraishi was actually chuckling with that stupid red-head boy! And no it has nothing to do with the fact that Shiraishi didn't pay him enough attention after their match together!

He hastily walked away, why he feels so stupid?!

* * *

Walking slowly in the dark corridor, he turned to where the kitchen was. He was somewhat edgy today, thus he escaped dinner to avoid having fight with anyone, and decided to do more practice instead. It appeared it was a good idea, for he felt more relaxed than before after all those exhausted trainings.

He stooped on his track when he heard footsteps walking in his direction in the silent hallway. He gulped, it's impossible that it would be the same ghost he saw before, right?

Gulping again, he slowly moved his frozen body and leaned on the wall behind him. He wasn't going to repeat those stupid embarrassing words he said before, maybe he was dreaming at that time...

Closing his eyes, he held his breaths when the sound of the footsteps has gotten closer. He bit his lower lip painfully when the footsteps had suddenly stopped.

"Kirihara-kun?"

He hastily opened his eyes, and stared wide-eyed at Shiraishi's confused look.

"Sh... Shiraishi-san! What are you doing here?!"

A light frown appeared on Shiraishi's sharp features, before he eyed him closely "That's my line." He smirked knowingly before he continued "Why are you so pale? You look like you have just seen a ghost"

Akaya relaxed slightly, and scratched his head while he was smiling nervously "Nothing, I was on my way to the kitchen"

Shiraishi raised a prefect eyebrow at him, his smirk still in place "Oh? Skipping dinner then sneaking into the kitchen when everyone is asleep. That seems like something you would do, Ki ri ha ra -kun"

His eyes widened slightly, so Shiraishi had noticed his absence in the dinner after all?!

He swiftly shoved that thought away, and made his way to the kitchen while faking his anger "I didn't intend to do that! I was training"

He prevented himself from smiling like an idiot, he was so happy that Shiraishi had noticed his absence to the point that he wanted to...

"You don't seem like you had just finished training"

He glanced briefly to his side and noticed Shiraishi had caught up with him, and was now walking beside him "I don't like wandering in sweat, so I took a shower"

"Mmm... I see" He heard a hint of enjoyment in Shiraishi's voice; he knew he was smiling but for some reason he couldn't look at his face.

His footsteps slowed down when he entered the kitchen, before he came to a halt.

Now to think of it, it's so natural for Shiraishi to notice his absence, as well as everybody else. Sure their group would notice because they usually sit near each others, and that doesn't change the fact that Shiraishi didn't come to look for him, just like everyone else.

_Nothing more._

"Kirihara-kun?"

He silently lifted his unfocused gaze to the frowning boy in front of him.

"Is something wrong?"

He forced a smile, before shaking his head "No"

He feels stupid, why does he want that attention from Shiraishi anyway? It's not because he was kind to him, and that he wanted him out of the harm way.

It's not like Shiraishi was concerned for his own safety, he just didn't want him to harm the others. That besides what Shiraishi had said at that time, Yanagi asked him to do it, but why?

His teammates were always provoking him to enter that mood, it's true that Yanagi always tells him to not lose himself, other than that they did nothing but pushing him into it.

From the taller boy's doubtful gaze, he knew Shiraishi didn't believe him, but he said nothing.

Walking silently towards the fridge, he opened it while glancing at the other from the corner of his eye. Shiraishi was serving himself a glass of water, he seemed deep in thought.

He held a sigh and grabbed the milk, he had lost his appetite.

"Not going to eat?"

He turned his gaze towards Shiraishi, who was leaning on the wall "I'm not hungry"

"Hmm"

He drank his milk slowly, he was fully aware of the older boy's gaze on him, and it started to get on his nerves.

When he finely finished drinking, he put the cup on the table with a little force. He lifted his cold glare to the un fazed figure some feet away "What are you staring at?"

He noticed Shiraishi's serious features. His glare didn't waver when Shiraishi started calmly "Kirihara-kun, you seems upset, did something happen?"

Closing his eyes, he ran his hand through his hair "No, it's nothing. It's just..." He opened his eyes and kept his gaze on the floor. Lowering his hand from his hair, he sighed before continuing "Maybe all I need is rest"

His eyes widened slightly, when he noticed Shiraishi suddenly standing in front of him. He lifted his wide eyes to meet the other's observing ones "Yeah, maybe you should"

He leaned his head back slightly, Shiraishi seemed a little too close for his own comfort, and his eyes seemed to bore inside him. He felt exposed at the moment, there's nothing he could hide from Shiraishi if he continued like this, but what's there to hide?!

_That's the question._

He turned his face to the side, and mumbled nervously "I'm not that short, you don't need to lean that much to be on my eye level!"

He nearly sighed in relieve when Shiraishi straightened and stepped back, but he stared surprised when he heard him chuckling "What's so funny?"

He asked hesitantly, was he making fun of him?

"It's just... You" Shiraishi answered between his chuckles. He stared at the taller boy with a light frown on his face, what about him?!

He pursed his lips, and stared at Shiraishi waiting for an answer.

He waited patiently till Shiraishi cleared his throat, and said with a soft smile "I was wondering why your teammates love picking on you, now I understand, it's actually so fun!"

He grimaced and turned his face away, that's not what he wanted to hear at all! "Good for you then"

"You know..." He returned his gaze back to the other, when he heard the seriousness in his calm voice "I thought you put a hard work on your hair to make it looks like this, but now..." His eyes widened slightly when Shiraishi lifted his hand to his hair, and curled a soft strand on his finger "I see it's pretty natural. Some people would die for it"

He felt his heart stopped, and his mouth felt dry, this is so damn embarrassing. He lowered his gaze, and fought back the hot feeling on his cheeks "It's not like I wanted it to be like this, I always wanted a straight hair"

"Because you are stupid." He blinked at that statement. At the same time Shiraishi released the dark strand from his finger, and walked to the door "It makes you look so cute. Good night"

With a wave from his hand he disappeared from the doorway, leaving Akaya dumbfounded.


	2. Chapter 2

"Yukimura- Buchu, is something bothering you?"

Akaya leaned on the fence next to his captain, and glanced briefly at his indifferent features before turning his gaze towards the training matches on the field.

"I wonder what Sanada and the others are doing"

He put a wide smile on his face to encourage the captain "I'm sure they are training on their own way, there's no need for you to worry!"

He felt a slight comfort when the captain chuckled. He would do anything for his captain, and for his teammates.

"So, aren't you worried? They might be playing around without us, and having a good time"

His smile suddenly fell, and he looked thoughtfully at his hands. He knew that Yukimura meant it as a joke, but even so, he felt nothing but guilt.

He sensed Yukimura's gaze on him, sure he was surprised why he didn't explode as expected of him.

He chose his words carefully "It's not fare." He went silent for a second, and continued when the other stared at him with questioning gaze "Sanada Fukubucho and Yanagi-san, they are better than me. I should have been the one who leaves."

His hands turned to fists, and he grimaced.

Really, it was so UN fare, what Yanagi did had upset him, but what choice he has? All he has to do is to be more powerful, he needs more training, so much more. He shouldn't make Yanagi regret what he did for him.

"After all these days, you are still upset about that. I thought you overcame this issue"

It wasn't easy, what happened that day wasn't easy at all. Yanagi had, despite his good intention, insulted him. He showed him how weak he was, and threw that fact right into his face.

"Listen Akaya-kun, you are our youngest, you have power but you don't know how to use it yet. Yanagi knows that, so he gave you this chance. You know what to do, right?"

He nodded slowly, they have high expectations of him, but he doubts his ability.

"It seems I'm not the only one worried here..."

He lifted his questioning eyes to the captain, and then followed his gaze to see who he was talking about.

"Shiraishi-san..." He mumbled to himself.

He noticed his increasing heartbeats, but decided to ignore it. He was just embarrassed after the other had called him cute yesterday.

He used the chance that Shiraishi was distracted, and looked at him closely. He couldn't lift his gaze from the ground whenever he was around; he was distracting himself here and there. Shiraishi was leaning on the fence some feet away. It seems he was watching the training, but it was pretty clear that he wasn't seeing anything.

"He is a good captain, thinking about his teammates at a time like this..."

He murmured before he could prevent himself "Look who is talking"

He shut his mouth as soon as the words passed his lips. He gulped before looking at the captain from the corner of his eye. Yukimura might be somewhat kind, but he is deadly scary.

He was glad the captain decided to pretend he hadn't heard him; otherwise he might end up dead. "How did you know what he is thinking about? It might be something else"

"We both Captains, Akaya"

He sighed in relieve, Yukimura's tone wasn't angry at all.

He glanced at Shiraishi again, what drives him to Shiraishi all the time? Could it be guilt?

"Maybe you should talk to him, you are partners after all"

He turned his gaze away; he felt that he had been caught in doing something wrong "It's not that easy, we are from different teams. Besides it was just one match"

"But you did well together, not to mention he is the only one you paired up with aside from Yanagi. It seems he understands you well"

"He handled me well, you want to say?"

"Yes"

He sighed, Yukimura was staring intently at him, and that means one thing, he should go if he was afraid of his own safety.

He walked away slowly; Yukimura's soft voice reached his ear "Don't make that face Akaya-kun, you two won't be able to win if you didn't know each other well enough"

He grunted silently, Yukimura Buchou is so cruel.

Stopping some feet away behind Shiraishi's back, he stood silently. What could he possibly say to the other?!

If it was any other person, he would have smacked his back or hit his head or punched his shoulder to announce his arrival. But with Shiraishi things are different, there's no way he could do such things.

He had hurt him once, there's no way he would do it _again._

"Until win are you planning on just standing there?"

He jolted when he heard the unexpected voice, he stared with slight wide eyes at Shiraishi who turned around, and leaned his back on the fence. His usual smirk on place.

"How did you know...?"

He asked after a moment, he was sure he didn't make any sound.

"I smelt your shampoo" His smirk widened.

"Eh..?" A deep frown appeared on his face, and he stared quizzically at the other. _When did he...?_

His frown deepened while Shiraishi's smirk widened "Don't underestimate me Kirihara-kun"

His curious gaze followed Shiraishi's movement, when he lifted his recently UN bandaged hand to his own hair, and curled a soft strand on his finger before tugging it.

He knew what Shiraishi wanted to tell him from that unexpected move, there's no way for him to forget when the older boy had touched his hair last night. He lowered his head to hide his slowly reddened cheeks, what's there to be embarrassed about? There must be something wrong with him. But for Shiraishi to recognize the smell of his shampoo... It made him feel weird inside. He was actually... happy!

He walked next to the other, and leaned on the fence. His eyes never left the field in front of him, he knew he was being idiot in avoiding looking into Shiraishi's eyes, but he couldn't help it.

While he was watching the training matches silently, his senses were completely focused on the person next to him. They were standing so close next to each other, he should have put some distance between them.

_Why he is so nervous?_

A low sigh escaped his lips; he should stop over thinking things like this. It's so exhausting, and it has started getting on his nerves.

"I'm not going to ask you what's wrong, because I know you are not going to tell me" He swiftly turned his face to look at Shiraishi as soon as the words left Shiraishi's mouth. He was still on his standing position, and his eyes were staring at the blue sky blankly when he continued "But feel free to talk to me whenever you want" His eyes widened slightly when Shiraishi turned his face towards him suddenly and met his gaze, before he continued softly "Kirihara-kun"

He blinked, he stared at the other's eyes for a moment, he knew Shiraishi meant what he said, but why his eyes were... Completely blank?!

He returned his gaze to look in front of him, and Shiraishi did the same. What he did next surprised him more than the boy next to him, he leaned his body slightly on Shiraishi's upper arm, and said calmly "Shiraishi-san, you are not really that kind, are you?"

He sensed Shiraishi's questioning gaze on him, before the latter looked away with a light chuckle "Who knows"

He feels more at ease now; it's so comforting, leaning on Shiraishi like this. It's even better than talking, there's nothing he could say if he wanted to talk anyway, he himself has no idea what's wrong with him.

Shiraishi Kuranosuki, he wants to know more about this person, he wants to know everything.

"If there's something on your mind, you can talk to me about it" He said it after seconds of hesitation, he has no idea if Shiraishi is going to tell him or not, but he has to try at least.

"It's not like you to say such things, Kirihara-kun"

He grimaced at what he heard, he said with hint of anger in his voice "I might be selfish, but at least I don't pretend to care about others while clearly I'm not!"

"That's so cruel for you to say, but I take it that you are worried about me?"

He released an irritated sigh, and leaned his head on Shiraishi's shoulder. He knows that he shouldn't, but it felt so comforting and he found it so hard to resist "Yukimura Boucho said we are partners, but we aren't close enough"

"Mmm... I see" He went silent for a moment, before he continued "I was thinking about Kin-Chan"

He lifted his head and steadied himself as soon as he heard that name; there was a weird feeling inside his chest. He stared quizzically at Shiraishi, and mumbled "Kin-Chan...?"

He frowned when Shiraishi nodded with a soft smile on his lips; he was still looking at the sky when he answered "He is so reckless, he might do something stupid or dangerous if there wasn't someone to watch over him"

He stared with slightly wide eyes at Shiraishi's face; his gaze was soft, not blank and empty like when he was looking at him.

He ignored the tight knot in his chest; Shiraishi really does care about Kintaro, as well as his teammates. It wasn't pretending as he already thought, the pretending was only for him, Shiraishi didn't deny it after all.

His hands turned to fists, and he forced his features to stay blank. He recognized the feeling in his chest, it was... _Pain._

But why? There is nothing between them at all; they are not even friends to begin with. They are just... Partners for limited time, and god knows how long they will be able corporate with each other.

_Could they really become a great combination?_


End file.
